Dear Hunny,
I wish I knew where you are. At this point, I have no idea, where, or if, you are. As of today, you've been lost for 23 weeks; as of May 24, if we count date-wise, it's 5 months and 10 days. May 24 would also have been your 3rd birthday.
I miss you terribly, and each day when I wake up, my heart still hurts remembering you running away. I know it was my stupid fault. I thought you would be fine attached to that trash receptacle for 30 seconds while I went into the store to drop the Christmas card to Jeffrey. I didn't realize you'd get scared, pull it over, and it would come apart and scare you even more. I am so sorry for my thoughtlessness. I am so sorry you got so scared, and that we didn't spend enough time on basic training to allow you to break through your fear. It was all my fault; everything.
I thought I was doing a good job taking care of you, and I thought we had gotten things like "Come" and "Stay" down. I also thought you were okay with being outside of a store for a minute or so; you had been fine other times, but something happened this time that I didn't foresee.
I keep trying to imagine that you are somewhere with someone who is taking good care of you. But my heart of hearts fears that you are dead, or that you're in a place where you're hungry and sad, and maybe closed in and being hurt. Everyone says I should think of you as happy and cared for, but I know where you ran to, uptown, and I know it's not a place where dogs, especially pitbulls, are treated well.
Hunny, I love you so much. I wish I could find you. I have done all the things the "experts" said I should to try and find you. I've been negligent in putting up flyers over the last several weeks, but I'm going to get out this weekend and put more up. I've been looking for you on the ACC site, and I have lists of lost doggies meeting your description emailed to me every night. But, I've never seen you.
You are the best dog ever. You are my best girl, Silly Belly, my big beauty. I love you so much. I wish I could find you.
I have been thinking about finding a puppy, but I don't know if I'm a good-enough mother. After what has happened with you, I don't know if I should ever have a dog in my life again.
I hope you are happy and safe somewhere. I hope you are alive and healthy, or in heaven and your death wasn't painful. I don't know what to think anymore. I miss you so much, and my life is empty without you. The kittens miss you, too.
Love,
Barbara
